im sorry that ive hurt u, its sumthing that i must live w/every day. - hoobastank
4:47 p.m. x 2004-02-27
yesterday was one of the hardest days that ive ever had to go through. it was my grandmas funeral. :( plus it didnt help that it was raining outside either.
when we get there we just sat around 4 a while and waited 4 ppl so show up. then when we were going to go in and sit down me, christi and ali couldnt even go in the room cuz the casecat was open and u could see the top of my grandmas head. we all just started crying and said that we cant go in. i dont want to remember her lying dead in her casecat but when she was still alive. my dad eventually told the ppl to close it cuz we couldnt handle it.
through out the whole session all i did was cry and think about the things that i did w/her. and i felt bad cuz i take the time i did spent w/her 4 granted. i should have use the opportunities in the past to spend more time w/her, too late now. when my dad spoke he made the whole mood change. he talked about a lot of good memories and funny stories, it was the only time that i laughed and smiled while there. he also brought up that when he was a teen him and his friends use to say "so long craby" to my grandma when they would leave the house cuz they used to watch the little rascles all the time. and when he concluded his tald he said "so long craby," then u hear my uncle say "so long craby" too. thats when i we all started balling again. it was soo hard!!
at her grave after every one was starting to leave i just sat there starig at her casecat. b4 i left i touched the top of it and thought of a verse in one of our hyme books, "god be with u till we meet again." and i took one of the roses frm the ones on her casecat. i put it inside a case today to keep. one of the hardest days ill ever have.
im listening to hoobastank rite now and the lyrics to this song r really good "im not a perfect person, i never meant to do those things to u, and so i have to say b4 i go, that i just want u to know. ive found a reason 4 me, to change who i used to be, a reason to start over new and the reason is u." luv this song!!
other than the sad stuff i got to spend sum time w/my cousins frm maryland. we went to go see 50 first dates. i thought that that movie was funny and really cute. i laughed the whole time. they also had a suite at the suncost. damn, that room was big and we had it all to ourselves 4 a couple of hours. we all ran around doin dumb shit and having a good time.
today i decided to ditch skool to go have breakfast w/my family b4 they had to leave to go back to maryland. my uncle said that me, christi and ali should plan a trip to go out and visit them w/o the parentals. that would be soo awesome if we really could do that but both our parents wouldnt let up. and after that we got sum movies and i spent sum time w/my sis. she leaves on monday and i wanna do as much as i can w/her this weekend.
well i gots to go eat now. I LUV ALL OF U GUYS SOO SOO MUCH!! XOXO